Handling Anxiety

I will soon undergo a major surgery. It is needed, as it will help to restore my mobility. Nonetheless, it is a major surgery and my family is reasonably concerned. As the date draws closer, I am seeing the effects of anxiety in my children. This is not the first time in recent history we have had cause for anxiety. In the last year and a half I have had spinal surgery and then had to contend with an infection at the surgical site. Our oldest boy had to be rushed to the ER with a crazily high blood glucose level. We learned that he has type 1 diabetes, which meant things changed for him and for us quite precipitously. Then my hip started "going out" on me,planting me in a wheelchair or on crutches at the drop of a hat.
Needless to say, anxiety gets the best of us every once in a while. How do kids tell you they are anxious? Difficulty getting to sleep, being clingy, losing their temper easily, giving up easily. They may express their concern in the things they write or in the things they draw, the style of music they choose to play, listen to, or compose.
How do you help them get a handle on it?

1) Be there. Be willing to listen without judgement, and be available. They will often tell you how they feel and what they think is happening.
2) Be honest. Tell them what is going on, what they can do to make things go well for your family, and most of all reassure them that you are going to get through it! If your children are teens, let them know exactly what is going on. They have some clue, I guarantee it. Having accurate information will help them to be less fearful.
3) Give them things to do. Helping prepare for big events and big changes will decrease your child's anxiety about the new experience. Empower them, and fear will not overtake them.
4) Organize. If things are disorganized, it contributes to a feeling of being out of control. Get things organized in your home. Help them organize their things and make sure they know where everything is. An organized environment feels easier to control, and will minimize anxiety over little things.
5) Obtain tools to help them with any anxiety they feel and make sure they are accessible. A great idea the pediatrician gave us to have stress balls handy. If expressing anxiety at the moment is inappropriate, the stress ball gives them an outlet. Consider getting sketch books and colored pencils, blank journals and colored pens and highlighters, as well as card making supplies. Let them choose a creative outlet.
6) Consider getting some gently calming herbal teas or maybe a special hot chocolate with calming herbs for bedtime.
7) Seventh on this list, but probably the most important, pray with your children. Give them plenty of time to voice their prayer intentions. Help them offer up their concerns to God in prayer.
8) Don't be afraid to ask a professional for help. We mentioned what is going on to our pediatrician, who talked to our child and offered him strategies to manage his anxiety. He assessed him to determine if other interventions might be needed. The best adjusted child may sometimes need help processing feelings.

As we move forward, I know that things will work out, and that as a strong family, we will help each other through emotional rough patches. I hope that what I have learned and am continuing to learn will help other families navigate difficult times.

The Weight of the Cross

Some days, the cross I bear weighs down heavily. Some days I cry out for it to be taken from me. Some days, I want to just drop it and leave it behind.
Today, the cross is heavy. It is heavy with grief over the suffering caused by sinful leaders within the Church. It is heavy with doubts over whether or not they will be dealt with justly. It is heavy with insults and innuendo that come my way because I choose to remain faithful to Jesus in His Church. I cannot imagine abandoning Him, nor leaving His presence in the Eucharist. This cross I bear is for the joy of knowing His Presence, and time in His Presence lightens the load.
Today the cross is heavy. It is heavy with chronic pain that is particularly bad just now. It is heavy with the effort of rising and attending to my everyday tasks. I rise to live today in the hope of eternal resurrection, the promise wrought through the suffering of Jesus.
Today the cross is heavy. It is heavy with the lofty duties I am called to. The duty to bring beauty to my home. The duty to live in beauty as I love my family, friends, neighbors, and enemies. These things are made more beautiful for the fact that they are wrought through suffering. These things are made more beautiful as they are offered up to Jesus, whose grace makes them possible.
Today the cross is heavy, but it is not unbearable as I look upon the Cross of Christ and recall the glory He revealed in His resurrection and at the Transfiguration. It is a glory He has promised to those who can finish the uphill climb bearing a cross that ends not in death alone, but victory.

Everyday Fortitude

Chronic pain can be the pits, especially when you are a parent of four children you home school. There never really seems to be a good option for pain management. Prescription medication often leaves you feel a little loopy or sleepy which is not the preferable way to go when you are managing five schedules simultaneously. Non-prescription medication may not decrease the pain enough to make tasks doable, and sometimes has side effects that are physically draining.
What is a parent to do? Increasingly, I have found that it must always begin at the way I start the day. Step 1: Get out of bed early, before others in the household are up whether I feel like getting out of the bed or not, regardless of how achy or painful I am feeling. Step 2: Put the kettle on for a strong cup of coffee or tea. Step 3: Morning prayer. Whether the interval is a few minutes or an hour, this is absolutely crucial. Skipping my Morning Offering is not an option. It is best when I give myself plenty of quiet time to pray through all of the things that I know I will be called upon to do during the day. Praying the Liturgy of the Hours helps get my mind focused on the grace that I can draw on to make it through the day. I really need that grace. I need the strength that comes from being mindful of the prayers of the saints on my behalf, and the angels that are there working in my service. Step 4: Don't procrastinate about getting the kids out of bed. Getting the kids up early and setting them to work on their lessons with fresh minds means the day will go more smoothly and I am less likely to feel I ended the day in failure because none of the chores got done.
What about when, mid-day, the pain is nearly unbearable? Delegate the lunch duties and allow myself a break. Getting my legs up and a heating pad or ice on sore muscles and joints means the afternoon will not be a washout. Get in a 15 minute prayer session while icing/heating the painful areas, and it sets me up for a productive afternoon. It is okay to put feet up while working kids through math and reading lessons or discussing the literature assignments, too. Pacing is a good thing.
Ultimately, do what is truly a priority. The clutter of today won't matter to anyone when the kids are grown and starting their own families. Their general health, education, and the life skills they have gained at my side are what they will carry with them. Even that has a finite impact, though. My children need to know where to find strength when they feel weak, consolation when they are feeling down, and fortitude when they don't want to go on.  They need to know where my help comes from so they can draw from that same well.

Lent

Lent begins this Wednesday. I have found numerous ideas for celebrating Lent, including many for helping children to experience Lent. Before I offer any suggestions, I will start by suggesting that first and foremost, you don't overwhelm yourself with things to do. It is a time for fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. What it is not supposed to be is a burden. It is a time to step back a little bit from the things that normally keep us busy and reflect upon our spiritual condition. This is best done unencumbered. Plan to do less rather than more. Give yourself and your family more quiet time.
Generosity should come from the heart, not out of duty. Think about ways that you would like to share with and care for others outside your everyday sphere. Let your children think of some and plan to follow through with one or two ideas each week.
Morning Prayer in some form is a beautiful way to begin the day. Before everyone is off to work or school, have breakfast together and say grace before the meal. Pray a Morning Offering or give a blessing to each member of the household before they cross the threshold to go to work or school. It only takes a couple of minutes , and the day is started well. As I home school, I like to do the Liturgy of the Hours for the morning before we begin the school day.
Any sacrifices we offer should be truly a sacrifice, something we are willing to follow through with, and not a burden upon others to help us fulfill. For instance, a family member who does not cook should not choose a mode of fasting that requires special food preparation and then expect the person who prepares meals to abide by their decision. If one decides to make a dietary change, it must be one that the entire family has agreed upon or it the person who wishes to do so must see to any special food preparation that goes with it. That includes making a list of things they will need and either doing the shopping or helping with it.
Pray together as a family in the evening. Choose a prayer devotion such as the Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, Liturgy of the Hours or Daily Scripture readings. Be consistent. Be gentle and patient with your children during prayer time.
I have found that my best Lenten experiences have been when I have simplified my life rather than complicating it. Removing a little clutter from the home each day, and making a donation run once a week can be a wonderful way to get rid of distractions. This simplification also saves us time (because we know where to find everything we need) and allows us that quiet time I spoke of earlier. Set a specific amount of time and plan to declutter a specific area each day. Sing a praise song or hymn you like while you work (as Brother Lawrence said, "I have wonderful fellowship with God amidst the pots and pans"). Remove all forms of media that are not edifying to your spirit during Lent. You can use the extra time to read or play or pray or just talk with your children. I guarantee they will love having your undivided attention, and you will feel better at the end of the day for having done so.
This Lent my byword is going to be "Simplify". I am determined that anything I do for the Lord will be given joyfully from the heart, not a burden. Hopefully, when Easter arrives, I will be lighter and my home brighter! God Bless, have a wonderful Lenten season!

Objective Truth

The question "What is truth?" seems to be falling from the lips of virtually everyone these days. Like Pilate circa 30CE, the philosophical often look at it as a question of personal viewpoint. What is true for me may not be true for you.
There is a problem with this logic, though. There really is objective truth. The sky has a blue appearance even though the colorblind cannot distinguish it. A tennis ball is spherical even though the toddler holding it does not know the name of the shape. Some things are objectively true. Children learn to distinguish fantasy from reality when we teach them to observe with their senses what is concrete and what is mere trickery.
Why is it important for us, as people, to distinguish what is true and what is false? For starters, we need to know our limitations in order to understand our capabilities. A basic understanding of gravity prevents us from stepping off a balcony twelve floors up. The understanding that fire produces much heat prevents us from putting our hand into the flame on the stove.
Likewise, understanding objective truths about who we are helps us to attend to our mental and spiritual needs. If we attempt to live as if the truth doesn't matter, we are bound to be disappointed eventually. No matter how hard we try to make everyone be nice and bear with a person's personal beliefs about themselves, eventually someone will state what is painfully obvious and tear down the mental castle of sand that is self-delusion.
Let us always be truthful when dealing with others, but let us also always deal with the truth in love.

Being Reasonable

Many parents have watched sadly as their children have abandoned their Christian faith. It is often what the children believe to be the voice of reason and of scientific proofs that have led them to do so. But what if there are proofs which are more reasonable, what if there are proofs which are logical and consistent with the historical record?
This is not too good to be true, this is the basis of our continued faith! I recently began rereading "Life of Christ" by Fulton Sheen. In the first chapter of the book he makes an astounding and perfectly true statement which has been staring us in the face our entire lives: Jesus Christ is the only founder of a world religion ever to be preannounced. I would encourage you to read Sheen's book to realize the details of this claim, but it boils down to this: Jesus was expected by not only Jews but also by Gentiles throughout the world!
It is important that we introduce our children to these concepts at the very least. Better yet, we should introduce them to the works of spiritual giants. "Life of Christ" by Fulton Sheen is a great starting point because it is written in terms that are easy to understand. If we then move on to Chesterton, Lewis, Augustine, Ambrose, etc., that is wonderful.
It is also vitally important that our children are intimately familiar with the scriptures. Regular Bible reading is a must. In order for the scriptures to be intelligible, though, we must apply the scholarship of our spiritual fathers, the Church Fathers. We must show our children the reason that informs our faith.
If our children are not shown why our faith is not just spiritual but also reasonable, they will lose faith when their feelings and personal experience do not seem to support it.

Advent Activity Links

We are about a week into Advent, so I wanted to provide a few ideas for parents to share this season with their children. The Advent wreath is a great way for families to celebrate. See this link (U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops) for prayers, devotions, and blessings for Advent wreaths, Christmas Trees, Nativity Scenes and reading for candle lighting   http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/liturgical-year/advent/index.cfm?utm_source=advent&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=advent/
The site titled Peanut Butter and Grace has a plethora of simple to complex ideas for Advent activities, including a Jesse Tree, book recommendations and frequent articles that cover special feast days. You can find it at http://www.pbgrace.com/
http://catholicmom.com/  has printables, crafts, and more.
Your younger kids may enjoy Holy Heroes, a site that includes Advent Adventure with daily activities including things parents can print and online videos and quizzes. Use this link http://www.holyheroes.com/
This is not a full list of everything that is out there, but these are some of my favorite sites. You may even find a new tradition for your family.
Have a great Advent Season, and enter into Christmas with open hearts!